In light of recent events, and for those of you who may not know, our house was broken into yesterday, here are some great charms against thieves from the “Romanus Büchlein.” My favorite is number four where you symbolically nail through the thief’s skull and organs. Let it be known to whoever did this that you will get what you deserve, I swear it.

Against Theft and Harm  
Ito, alo Massa Dandi Bando, III. Amen.
J. R. N. R. J.

Our Lord Jesus Christ stepped into the hall, and the Jews searched him everywhere. Thus shall those who now speak evil or me with their false tongues, and contend against me, one day bear sorrows, be silenced, dumbstruck, intimidated, and abused, for ever and ever, by the glory of God. The glory of God shall assist me in this. Do thou aid me J. J. J. for ever and ever. Amen.

To stop a thief
Ye thieves, I conjure you, to be obedient like Jesus Christ, who obeyed his heavenly father unto the cross, and to stand without moving out of my sight, in the name of the Trinity. I command you by the power of God and the incarnation of Jesus Christ, not to move out of my sight, +++ like Jesus Christ was standing on Jordan’s stormy banks to be baptized by John. And furthermore, I conjure you, horse and rider, to stand still and not to move out of my sight, like Jesus Christ did stand when he was about to be nailed to the cross to release the fathers of the church from the bonds of hell. Ye thieves, I bind you with the same bonds with which Jesus our Lord has bound hell; and thus ye shall be bound; +++ and the same words that bind you, shall also release you.

To stop a thief
This benediction must be spoken on a Thursday morning, be­fore sunrise, and in the open air:

Thus shall rule it God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen. Thirty-three Angels speak to each other, com­ing to administer in company with Mary. Then spoke dear Daniel, the holy one: Trust, my dear woman, I see some thieves coming who intend stealing your dear babe; this I can­not conceal from you. Then spake our dear lady to Saint Peter: I have bound with a band, through Christ’s hand; there­fore my thieves are bound even by the hand of Christ, if they wish to steal mine own, in the house, in the chest, upon the meadow or fields, in the woods, in the orchard, in the vineyard, or in the garden, or wherever they intend to steal. Our dear lady said: Whoever chooses may steal; yet if any one does steal, he shall stand like a buck, he shall stand like a stake, and shall count all the stones upon the earth, and all the stars in the heavens. Thus I give thee leave, and command every spirit to be master over every thief, by the guardianship of Saint Daniel, and by the burden of this world’s goods. And the countenance shall be unto thee, that thou canst not move from the spot, as long as my tongue in the flesh shall not give thee leave. This I command thee by the Holy Virgin Mary, the Mother of God, by the power and might by which he has created heaven and earth, by the host of all the angels, and by all the Saints of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

—If you wish to set the thief free, you must tell him to leave in the name of Saint John.

To compel a thief to return stolen articles
Early in the morning before sunrise, you must go to a pear tree, and take with you three nails out of a coffin, or three horse-shoe nails that were never used, and holding these toward the rising sun, you must say:

Oh thief, I bind thee by the first nail, which I drive into thy scull and thy brain, to return the goods thou hast stolen, to their former place; thou shalt feel as sick and as anxious to see men, and to see the place you stole from, as felt the disciple Judas after betraying Jesus I bind thee by the other nail, which I drive into your lungs and liver, to return the stolen goods to their former place; thou shalt feel as sick and as anxious to see men, and to see the place you have stolen from, as did Pilate in the fires of hell. The third nail I shall drive into thy foot, oh thief, in order that thou shall return the stolen goods to the very same place from which thou hast stolen them. Oh thief, I bind thee, and compel thee, by the three holy nails which were driven through the hands and feet of Jesus Christ, to return the stolen goods to the very same place from which thou hast stolen them. +++

The three nails, however, must be greased with the grease from an executed criminal or other sinful person.

To release thieves
Thieves surrender the goods you have purloined from me, and go in the name of the Devil, in whose name you came to rob me.