Day 68: Sappy Birthday Reflections

Having quit alcohol (mostly) and recreational tobacco use this birthday feels very different from my other ones. Thinking back I’m pretty surprised I’m not an alcoholic, or addicted to other substances. I always say that though my life has been hard, there are always lives out there that have had it much harder, and to a certain extent I still stand by that, but healer heal yourself! The spirits don’t want us to be sad for too long.

This morning I took a hike, around dawn, to gather the medicine I need to make it through another year of battling sickness and spirits haunting those I love and those who I may never meet but have made deep friendships with. It’s a hard life, and I don’t take the time to recognize that very often. Healing starts inside us, then we can bring that to the world.

I’m now 68 days into a project I thought was only going to last a couple, and so far what have I learned? It’s a hard question to answer. On the one hand I can say that I’m more bringing the stuff I already have collected out into the light, but that’s not the whole story. More and more I’m seeing the importance of identity in my life. The importance of family, those who are here and those who have died but still with us. Interestingly enough I just learned the ᏣᎳᎩ ᎦᏬᏂᎯᏍᏗ word for a cemetery, tsunadanisohdi ᏧᎾᏓᏂᏐᏗ or “they are laid there by others, not finally”.

I’ve spent most of the day so far talking with spirits and doing some healing work with a client, and I have to say that the work I’ve been doing lately feels different than before. Maybe I’ve changed for the better. I’m so often tempted to fall back into old patterns of depression and addiction, masking a few hundred years worth of inherited suffering with quick highs then long lasting lows. I think recognizing that in myself has started a healing process that has been much needed.

Healer heal yourself! It means more and more to me these days. This project is helping with that, and I hope to have a lot more interesting stuff for y’all.

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